Real World Mom

Warning: This post is not for the faint of heart! Proceed at your own risk! LOL!

The other day, I saw a news article, “Pregnant woman uses train toilet, baby slips out.” In Ahmedabad, India, a pregnant woman gave birth while sitting on the crapper on a train.

According to the article, most of the toilets on Indian trains are merely shoots that empty right onto the tracks. (How disgusting is that?!) So, yes, you guessed it, the baby girl was found lying on the train tracks!

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you know I like to write about these crazy kinds of stories, but this one is even better!

You see, my daughter, B, almost had the same fate!

No, she wasn’t born on a train. She didn’t end up on train tracks. And she wasn’t born in India.

B was, however, thisclose to being born in a toilet!

It was March of 1995. I was at the hospital and in labor with baby #4. I remember saying to myself, “Oh shit, I remember what this feels like now!” as the contractions got stronger.

My doctor had stopped in and checked on me at some point, and told me I had a ways to go. He was going to drop his wife off at the airport and come back. Neither of us knew then that he wouldn’t be back in time.

One of the nurses measured and said I was only x centimeters dilated. (Another one who believed I had a ways to go.)

I was in pain, tired and pissed that I had a ways to go–and did I mention the pain?–so I told them I wanted drugs.

Nurse informed me that I’d have to have an iv, so I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed again. As I’m not very fond of bed pans, I opted to use the restroom one last time before they hooked me up with my liquid relief.

*** This is the part you may want to skip if you’re at all apprehensive of hearing about using the toilet or the nitty-gritty details of babies almost being born. ***

Within seconds of me sitting on the commode, Nurse walked by the open restroom door, and asked, “You don’t feel like you have to push, do you?”, when I felt the baby’s head! So, a very surprised me responded, “Uh, yes!”

I don’t know where they all came from, but there were suddenly about six people in the room, getting me back onto the bed, my feet in the stirrups and telling me not to push. Heh!

One of the associates from my doctor’s office came rushing down to someone’s rescue (cuz I certainly wasn’t going to hold that kid in much longer–hello?!), and delivered my beautiful baby girl. The doctor’s shirt got ruined because (bless him!) he didn’t even take the time to throw scrubs on.

Being just shy of 13, B doesn’t quite see the humor in this story yet. She will.

Send me a cup of java!

As a former bank teller, this one is near and dear to my heart. “Oh, Come On. Show Me That Handsome Mug.” (Now available in mug shots!) In York, PA, a hooded-man entered a bank and demanded money. The teller told him to remove his hood, which the idiot man did, allowing police some good videotaped evidence to hold against him in court.
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Police in Portland, ME are looking for a man who uses his car to cut-off vehicles being driven by women traveling solo. He then gets out of his car and shows off his ensemble which consists of a garter belt and black high-heeled boots. The article doesn’t say whether he puts on a performance beyond that. Since this has never happened to me, I can’t be sure how I’d react, but I do think I’d pee myself laughing. Guess I’ll have to wait for the video… “Well, He Was Wearing a Garter and Boots”

 

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Do you know of a child who deserves a laptop? Sarabeth from i once was hp is searching for the right person to give this laptop from One Laptop Per Child to. For all the details, see her post, “Technology or Why the OLPC Laptop Won’t Work For My Children.” The deadline is March 15 at 11:59 p.m. EDT.

 

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In the spirit of the day, three Ohio couples tied the knot yesterday–at White Castle (yes, the fast-food burger place)!

The flower girl sprinkled salt and pepper packets.  The grooms wore employee name tags in lieu of flowers on their lapels.  The wedding cake was designed to look like a tray with burgers, fries and a drink.

So, this wouldn’t exactly be my first choice of a setting for a wedding, but I gotta give them credit for uniqueness!

“Ohio Couples Have White (Castle) Wedding”

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Since joining the blogosphere, I’ve seen mention of Craigslist on a couple occasions. Both times were about outrageous ads posted there.

Seems that trend continues…

Today, I came across an article on Yahoo News, telling of an idiot guy in Connecticut who placed an ad on Craigslist offering to sell pot. Yep. Marijuana. Weed. Maryjane.

And I bet you can guess what happened to the genius.

“Connecticut Man Tries to Sell Pot Online”

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You have to check out this story from CNN, “Dogs Live The High Life.” When their owner died in 2006, they were left $1,000,000. Ah, to live a dog’s life…

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“Extreme Proposals: Will You Marry Me at 20,000 Feet?”

This story goes on about over-the-top proposals (one couple was skydiving, another man proposed on tv, while another rented a theater!), and how men are spending lots of money (over and above the ring) on pulling-off the ‘perfect proposal’.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned (or just plain old), but are all the theatrics really necessary in order to propose to someone these days? Most of us would probably prefer it to be romantic, but I think it would be fairly difficult for any sincere proposal to be anything else! Not to mention the uncomfortable and embarrassing situation this could turn into if the person being proposed to isn’t prepared to say, “Yes,” right away!

My advice: focus more on being happily married than spending thousands of dollars on asking a question!

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An FBI wiretap was cut off due to an unpaid phone bill according to a January 10 article. (”FBI Wiretap Cut Off For Unpaid Bill“, Reuters) If it can happen to them, it can happen to anyone!

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We all know how much our kids dread going back to school after the Christmas Holiday. But, have they ever tried gluing themselves to a piece of furniture to avoid it??

That’s exactly what a 10-year-old boy from Mexico tried according to this news article: “Mexican Boy Glues Self to Bed to Avoid School.”

So, next time our kids whine about vacation being over, be grateful if they haven’t tried what Diego did!

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She is just so much fun to photograph!

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When you hold a door for someone and they neglect to offer a simple, “Thank you.”

Not responding to email.

Websites where you can’t easily find what you’re looking for.

The loud bass coming from the music being played next door (oh, my head!). (Does this mean I’m getting old?!)

Slow computers.

Filthy jewelry (comes from my years in jewelry sales).

Thoroughly pessimistic people.

Asymmetry (not sure why, just annoys me.

Cold coffee.

Dirty windows (just drives me crazy!).

People planting themselves right next to you on the beach (move it over!).

Waiting.

Stay tuned, I’m sure this list will grow!

Send me a cup of java!