I always knew there was ’something’ going on with my second of three sons (who I’ll refer to in this blog as “M”). There was no doubt in my mind he was a bright child, but there was just something a little different.
When he began school, I was constantly hearing from the teachers how he was behind in this, not quite grasping that, and I was always given the same reason: he just hasn’t matured enough yet. After discussing my concerns with my son’s pediatrician, the doctor suggested I request the school to do an evaluation on “M”. It took some diligence, but the school finally agreed to perform the testing. “M” was in second grade.
After a long wait, I was given the results. I was basically told that “M” did not have the math or reading skills for his grade level, and they were going to give him some extra help in math. Believing that these professionals knew what they were doing, and wanted to do what was best for my son, I agreed to that and hoped it would help.
In the middle of “M”’s third grade year, we moved to a different town and “M” changed schools. To this day, I am so grateful for that!
At the end of that school year, I was invited to a meeting with the school’s learning disability teacher. He explained to me that they had done some testing on “M”, and found that he was below grade level in reading and math. (No surprise there!) The teacher proposed placing “M” in special education classes for fourth grade. I think I did surprise the teacher when I all but hugged him as I thanked him for helping my son!!
All that time, I knew there was a problem, but either no one listened or no one took me seriously. And the one who was paying for it was my child!
Not far into “M”’s fourth grade year, his teacher approached me, and very kindly asked if “M” had ever been tested for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). That was the beginning of a new life for “M”.
Shortly after that, “M” was diagnosed with ADHD, without hyperactivity. While the evaluation process was going on, “M”’s doctor recommended some books for me to read, so that I’d be able to better understand ADHD and the available treatments. (I wonder now, looking back, if the doctor had a suspicion himself in the early stages.)
Initially, I was totally against medication. No way, no how was my child taking ‘drugs’! If I didn’t know it before this experience, I surely learned it then: Knowledge is power! I read everything I could get my hands on, talked to “M”’s doctor thoroughly, researched ADHD and its treatment online (I met one of my dearest friends on an ADHD bulletin board!)–I felt like an expert myself by the time “M”’s diagnosis came along.
One of the things that really stuck with me pertaining to the medication issue was something “M”’s doctor said to me. “If we can’t reach them we can’t teach them.” The statement alone made sense, and then I saw it with my own eyes.
“M” began taking Adderall. It didn’t take long to get the dosage correct, and I can tell you, there was an immediate and drastic improvement in him! I stayed in close contact with his teacher, so he was being monitored at school as well as at home. It was a real team effort, and it helped to allay some of my anxiety.
He did better in school, was better able to focus on his work and listen to the teacher. I had the benefit of seeing that at homework time! He used to go into fits of rage when he got stuck on something; the worst was how often he’d call himself “stupid”…that used to break my heart. Even that stopped after a time.
One more kudo to that wonderful fourth grade teacher of his… During one of our meetings, she said to me (and I will never forget it), “M” may never know all that you went through for him, so he’ll probably never thank you. So, I’m thanking you for him.” To this day, it brings tears to my eyes. Not that I ever needed to hear anyone thank me for fighting for my son. His life improved because we finally had the answer to what had been holding him back all those years, and we were taking steps to work with it, rather than against it. Seeing “M” lead a happy, productive life is more than enough thanks for me!
“M” is now 18 years old. He graduated from high school last year, is a volunteer firefighter and is working full-time. I don’t think I could be any more proud of him.
If you’d like more information, here’s a link to an interesting article I came across on the National Institute of Mental Health website: ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER .
(My story is not meant to endorse or indicate that the use of medication in the treatment of ADHD is the best way to go. That is what worked in my son’s situation.)
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Happy Valentine’s Day!
