Real World Mom

What a difference one week can make! So much in my life has changed in the last seven days.

Here’s the recap:

Monday- Signed the last of the divorce papers. It should be final in 4-6 weeks! Hallelujah!!

Tuesday- About 1 p.m., I received a call asking if I could go for a 4 p.m. interview that day. I went AND I was offered the job!

Wednesday- Received my financial aid approval in the mail. I can afford to go to school in September!

Thursday- My first (short) day at my new job!

It’s been an exhausting but excellent week for me. I’m so grateful that things are finally falling into place! I have to thank my family–especially Tim–for all the love, support and encouragement that has gotten me to this point. I wouldn’t have all of this good news to share if it weren’t for them!  I love you!

The following post was originally written on December 16, 2007. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by some the most caring, generous and loving people on the planet, so felt this post was worth repeating!

We’ve all seen the phrase, “Friends are family we choose for ourselves.” And how true that is for me! Especially over the last four years or so, my friends have been more like family than the one I was born into.When I first separated from my husband, it was my friends who were there to offer encouragement and support when my ‘real family’ all but turned their backs on me.To this day, my friends still feel more like family than my blood relatives do.

In the past year and a half, I’ve been blessed with the addition of a whole new branch to my self-made family tree. My boyfriend’s family and extended family have become a very important part of my life. In a very short time, I felt welcomed, accepted and cared about, and I certainly felt the same about them!

There are times I mourn not having the relationship I’d like with my parents, brother and sister. It should be different, but it’s not, and I don’t believe there’s anything I can do to significantly change that. What I focus on is the wonderful people who surround me now. And I try to remind myself–often–of how very lucky I am to have my chosen family!

Don’t forget to stop by and check out my new blog: The Salty Mooch! It’s not quite a week old yet, and could use some bloggy love!

Warning: This post is not for the faint of heart! Proceed at your own risk! LOL!

The other day, I saw a news article, “Pregnant woman uses train toilet, baby slips out.” In Ahmedabad, India, a pregnant woman gave birth while sitting on the crapper on a train.

According to the article, most of the toilets on Indian trains are merely shoots that empty right onto the tracks. (How disgusting is that?!) So, yes, you guessed it, the baby girl was found lying on the train tracks!

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you know I like to write about these crazy kinds of stories, but this one is even better!

You see, my daughter, B, almost had the same fate!

No, she wasn’t born on a train. She didn’t end up on train tracks. And she wasn’t born in India.

B was, however, thisclose to being born in a toilet!

It was March of 1995. I was at the hospital and in labor with baby #4. I remember saying to myself, “Oh shit, I remember what this feels like now!” as the contractions got stronger.

My doctor had stopped in and checked on me at some point, and told me I had a ways to go. He was going to drop his wife off at the airport and come back. Neither of us knew then that he wouldn’t be back in time.

One of the nurses measured and said I was only x centimeters dilated. (Another one who believed I had a ways to go.)

I was in pain, tired and pissed that I had a ways to go–and did I mention the pain?–so I told them I wanted drugs.

Nurse informed me that I’d have to have an iv, so I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed again. As I’m not very fond of bed pans, I opted to use the restroom one last time before they hooked me up with my liquid relief.

*** This is the part you may want to skip if you’re at all apprehensive of hearing about using the toilet or the nitty-gritty details of babies almost being born. ***

Within seconds of me sitting on the commode, Nurse walked by the open restroom door, and asked, “You don’t feel like you have to push, do you?”, when I felt the baby’s head! So, a very surprised me responded, “Uh, yes!”

I don’t know where they all came from, but there were suddenly about six people in the room, getting me back onto the bed, my feet in the stirrups and telling me not to push. Heh!

One of the associates from my doctor’s office came rushing down to someone’s rescue (cuz I certainly wasn’t going to hold that kid in much longer–hello?!), and delivered my beautiful baby girl. The doctor’s shirt got ruined because (bless him!) he didn’t even take the time to throw scrubs on.

Being just shy of 13, B doesn’t quite see the humor in this story yet. She will.

The ‘Give Me Five’ Monday meme is designed to share fun information with each other in a simple, short list! Here’s how it works: Each week, I will put out a random topic from my list of topics and you share 5 answers of your choice on the given topic and link back here! You can add photos, links or stories or just a simple list of your own of 5 things that relate to the topic as it pertains to you and your life experiences. It doesn’t have to be in any order of importance unless otherwise specified.

Sign up for weekly reminder emails at beccagirl@charter.net.

THIS WEEK’S THEME:  GIVE ME 5 LINKS TO YOUR OWN PAST BLOG POSTS THAT ARE MOST MEMORABLE FOR YOU.

1-  To Pierce or Not to Pierce (12/27/07)~  Guess I like this post because I decided to stand up to my stbx.  For years, he controlled me (or tried to), so it’s empowering to do what I think is right, whether he agrees or not.  Her birthday is in three weeks!

2-   Another Form of Family (12/16/07)~  This one is near and dear to my heart because it’s about my friends and how important they are to me.

3-  Perfectionism (12/12/07)~  I battle with this way too frequently.

4-  Teen Alcohol & Substance Abuse (1/25/08)~  Important info here!

5-  Top 10 Sex Myths Debunked (1/21/08)~   Found some entertaining stuff in the article that inspired this post.

In honor of my 100th post (Yay for Real World Mom!), I’ve decided to stick with tradition and write the “100 Things About Me” list.

100 Things I’ve Learned As A Mother

1. Love knows no boundaries
2. When you think you can’t possibly give any more, you do
3. You’ve got to choose your battles
4. I’m not much for defending myself, but don’t mess with my kids!
5. I know what unconditional love is
6. You learn to deal with boo-boos
7. I have three boys
8. How to deal with broken bones
9. And stitches
10. As well as bad dreams
11. Bad report cards
12. How not to puke when changing really gross diapers
13. Morning sickness is temporary
14. As is babyhood
15. There’s nothing like the feeling you get when looking into your baby’s eyes and they’re looking back at you
16. I’ve learned to trust my instincts
17. Though I don’t always listen to them
18. And I usually regret it
19. You really can feel your heart swell with pride
20. Seeing those first steps
21. When they take off on that bike alone for the first time
22. And your heart is in your throat
23. But they fly!
24. Good report cards
25. Seeing them in a production at school (no matter how minor the part, they’re stars!)
26. Coffee really is fuel
27. I didn’t start drinking it until I was 21
28. After child #2
29. I needed serious fuel with him
30. And even more with #3
31. I believe in something I call “Second Child Syndrome”
32. It seems one of the second child’s obligations to his or her parents is to drive them crazy
33. And supply your gray hair
34. And be really sweet and lovable–at just the right moments
35. I remember a comedian once said, “God makes babies cute so you don’t kill ‘em”
36. I think it was Gallagher (the comedian)
37. I think he was right
38. Sleep becomes a rare and much sought-after commodity
39. Don’t plan on getting any until they’re teenagers
40. And like to sleep late themselves
41. But then you lie awake worrying about them anyway
42. Who they’re friends are
43. What they’re really doing when they’re not home
44. Will they do the right things?
45. Make the right choices?
46. Will they be successful?
47. Will my car come home in the same shape it left in?
48. Is their new job interfering too much with school?
49. Isn’t it time for them to be home by now?
50. Labor is only the beginning of the pain you’ll go through as a Mom
51. You’ll hurt every time one of your kids does
52. It will devastate you to see them disappointed
53. Or, worse yet, injured
54. I am able to handle more than I think I can
55. Son #2 had an accident in which he fractured his skull
56. He was only 7
57. I’ve never been so scared
58. He was at a children’s hospital for three days
59. The worst three days of my life
60. I still thank God it wasn’t nearly as serious as it could have been
61. I needed my Mom during that time too
62. You don’t outgrow needing your Mom
63. There is just never going to be enough time
64. To do all that you want to do
65. To see all that you want to see
66. Or to say all that you want to say
67. I have to do the best that I can
68. You can never say “I love you” too much
69. I don’t remember my parents saying it to me
70. I make sure I say it to my children (and loved ones) at every opportunity
71. My kids say “I love you”
72. Even after four pregnancies and four kids, I still can’t handle puke
73. Doing it
74. Seeing someone do it
75. Hearing anyone do it
76. I did, however, get used to the sight of blood
77. Son #2 got stitches twice
78. Once in his head
79. And once in his lip
80. I told him the scar would look sexy one day
81. He’s 18 now
82. And it does!
83. No, I don’t think my son is sexy
84. But he is very handsome!
85. Son #3 cut his hand pretty badly when he was two
86. We got to skip the stitches on that one though
87. Because we sat in the emergency room so long, it stopped bleeding
88. We called his pediatrician from the ER, and he advised us how to care for it
89. My daughter has broken both of her wrists
90. Once when she fell off of a bike
91. The other when she fell off of a skateboard
92. Wheels can be dangerous
93. Son #1 is now 20
94. A year older than I was when I had him
95. Son #2 is 18
96. Son #3 is 16
97. Daughter #1 (and only) will be 13 in just under a month
98. I have been blessed with four beautiful children
99. They are beautiful inside and out
100. Nothing else I do in this lifetime will ever be as important as being their mother

Maria at Immoral Matriarch: Catechizer left this meme open for anyone, so I tagged myself!

Here are the instructions and my answers:

A) Each player answers the questions about themselves.

B) At the end of the post, the player then tags 2 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog. (But, like Maria, I’m not going to tag anyone, I’ll just leave it open to do if you want to.)

Ten years ago:
- it was February 1998
- I was selling PartyLite
- I was living on Walnut Street in Pennsylvania
- I was 10 years younger than I am now
- I had no idea what I was in for

Five things that were on my to-do list for today:
- laundry
- dishes
- try to keep up with my ever-expanding Google reader!
- change the sheets
- work on my new site

I enjoy:
- taking photos
- reading
- learning
- gardening
- blogging

What would I do if I suddenly became a millionaire:
- buy a car (don’t have a particular model in mind, just something that runs would work)
- put money away for the kids
- get T some really cool tech-type toys
- pay off the home of a family that’s like my own (I’d have to be real sneaky to get away with it)
- hire the meanest divorce lawyer I could find to kick the stbx’s ass!

Five jobs that I have had:
- jewelry sales
- auto parts delivery driver (high school)
- receptionist at a veterinary hospital
- Yankee Candle store manager
- front desk supervisor at a Gold’s Gym

Five things that people don’t know about me:
- I’m shy
- my favorite color is purple
- I love chocolate
- I am generally an optimistic person
- I believe that coffee is it’s own food group

I’m borrowing this idea from Jill at Caffeine Court–how I love that name–and her blog, so please be sure to stop by and say hello! What a great way to get to know a little more about each other!

Jill wrote:
“I’d like to do a little roll call. If you don’t mind would you please state your first name and the state you live in. You can give more information if you want.”

Some info about me:

• My name is Stacey and I live in Ocean County, NJ, but I’m originally from PA.
• I have four wonderful children–three boys, ages 20, 18 and 16, and one daughter who will be 13 in only five weeks.
• We have a dog, Madison (you can see her here, here, and here), who is almost six years old, and the sweetest ‘puppy’ ever!
• I’m currently going through the “wonderful” process known as divorce, which is a real pain in the ass quite educational (more info on that here, here and here)!
• I met the love of my life (”T”) in June of 2006, and we’ve been together ever since (tidbits on him here, here, here, and here)!

I’m really looking forward to reading the responses to this post! Have fun, kids!

A fun meme by Becca at BeccA’s Buzz! Check her out!

The ‘Give Me Five’ Monday meme is designed to share fun information with each other in a simple, short list! Here’s how it works. Each week, I will put out a random topic from my list of topics and you share 5 answers of your choice on the given topic and link back here! You can add photos, links or stories or just a simple list of your own of 5 things that relate to the topic as it pertains to you and your life experiences. It doesn’t have to be in any order of importance unless otherwise specified.

Sign up for weekly reminder emails at beccagirl@charter.net.

This week’s assignment: Give Me 5 positive traits or accomplishments you admired in a person or persons that you aren’t getting along with or have hurt or offended you in the past.

1- My soon-to-be (said hopefully)ex: He has always been a very hard worker.

2- “K”, someone I was best friends with for over 20 years (we are no longer friends): She had a good eye for decorating.

3- My Mom: Her wicked sense of humor. Her strong will and determination, even in the worst of times.

4- My Dad: His intelligence.

5- A previous boss, “I”: She was usually very fair.

I really like this week’s theme. I think it’s healthy to take some of the focus off of the negative by remembering something positive!

Seventeen months ago today, T asked me to move in with him. I was already spending every weekend here, and those weekends were getting a little bit longer all the time (but never quite long enough!). I’d leave work early on Friday, take Monday off, or leave from here on Monday morning to go to work, etc. (At the time, I lived two, very long hours away.)

Leaving here to go ‘home’ was always very difficult for me. I didn’t want to be away from T for a few hours, let alone a whole week! I’d cry half the drive back to PA.

Then I’d call T to let him know I’d arrived home safely. Hearing his voice and knowing we were so far away from each other would usually get the tears flowing again. (Bless that man for putting up with my emotional side!)

On Sunday, September 17, I was here for the weekend (as usual), and I had taken the next day off from work so I could have extra time with T.

If I remember correctly, he and I were out on the back patio drinking our coffee (still one of our favorite things to do in nice weather), when he asked me if I’d move in with him.

At first I was afraid I’d heard him wrong! It was just too good to be true! But, I did hear correctly, and I think it may have taken me a whole second (or two) to accept!

God knows we’ve had some major ups and downs in this time, but, we’ve managed to face them–and deal with them–together.
So, today, on our 17-month anniversary, I am feeling quite sentimental. I still think of those long, lonely drives home. When I had to force myself to go in the opposite direction of where I really wanted to be.

I’m so happy to be able to share my life, every day, with this man whom I love with all my heart!

Warning: Author is in the midst of a serious case of PMS. Proceed at your own risk!

• It’s freezing in NJ!
• The stbx is still dragging his feet and refusing to give in cooperate. My daughter informed me that he purchased new carpeting and new furniture last week, and he’s thinking about buying a flat-screen tv. But, when he lies talks to me, he’s “broke.”
• Still haven’t found a source of income.
• My back has been hurting me off and on (mostly on lately) for the last seven months. I’m in NJ, my doctor is in PA, and I have no way to get to her.
• My 40th birthday is in three weeks–how much does that suck?!
• I’m PMSing BIG time (poor T!).

On the plus side…

• My kids are healthy and happy.
• Spring will eventually be here.
• I am loved by some incredible people!
• As for the stbx: What goes around comes around.
• I have my internet connection!