“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
-Helen Keller
A friend recently reminded me of this quote, and, today, it seems appropriate to share it with all of you. One door has closed for me, so another has opened. And I plan on walking through it.
One year and a day after filing, I received my final divorce decree!
My first feeling upon reading the words, “And now, 8th day of May, 2008, it is ordered and decreed that Stacey D., plaintiff, and Husband D., defendant, are divorced from the bonds of matrimony,” was relief. After such a long, and sometimes bitter battle, it felt so good to have closure!
Then, somewhat to my surprise, I felt a little sad. I guess with everything he’s put me through, I just didn’t expect to experience any sadness. However, I also believe that it’s a normal reaction. I’ve known this man for 30 years (most of my life), and we were married for over 21 years. And, an ending, no matter how much you look forward to it, is still an ending. A passing of something.
I’m glad to be able to say I have no regrets about my decision. In my situation, a divorce was the only solution. And I do not feel as though I’ve failed either. I know that I gave my marriage my best effort, often when I felt I was the only one who was trying.
I will probably call my ex in the next few days to see how he’s doing. (Seems odd saying “my ex”, without prefacing it with “soon-to-be”.) As I’ve mentioned before, I do hope that he and I will be able to maintain some kind of friendship, not only for the kids, but for him and I too. Maybe it will be easier now that we are beyond the bullshit!
Send me a cup of java!
May 16th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Congratulations–now enjoy your freedom ~hugs~
May 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I’m glad you finally have some closure. Despite why this marriage ended, you were together for a long time. It’s understandable to still need to grieve some. Enjoy your new life with Tim. <3
May 16th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Bittersweet, isn’t it? But CONGRATS on your freedom - and especially closure. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you - my eldest is from my first husband so I know what you mean about getting along for the kids’ sake.
Honestly - the ex and me get along fine. Even with the Hubz. I’m actually closer to my ex’s parents today than I was when we were married, and they love my other 2 boys as if they were their own grandchildren as well. The ex actually called me yesterday to ask about JC’s 14th birthday - wanted to get him a laptop for high school (found a great deal) but wanted to run it past me to make sure I was okay with it.
We all sat together at my bro’s wedding last year - no drama, no fake politeness. And last month they drove up the 5 hours to see my son take the lead in the school play.
It has actually been better than what it was before. And Hubz is completely secure and supportive in everything. Talk about counting your blessings, huh?
Ours may be unusual from the typical aftermath of divorce, but it’s proof that it doesn’t have to be ugly.
*hugs*
May 16th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Living FREE the way you want to live is the only way to be. You only have this one life. Make it COUNT! Now let’s go partay!
May 16th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Congratulations! I’m sure it was a difficult process to go through, but well worth it. HUGS!
May 16th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Hmmmmmmmm, grief is normal. Also sad is the realization that marriage is no fairytale. Hugs and let’s get some champagne and celebrate!!!
May 17th, 2008 at 9:36 am
I’m sure so many years of trying to make things work, and the frustrations of finally getting to the place you want to be… have taken their toll on you. It’s only natural to feel sad; after all, that’s a lot of years invested, and children are involved. And we all go into marriage with only the best of intentions.
But this is absolutely what’s best for you obviously, so you enjoy getting on with your life, Stacey.
Glad you can shut that door behind you and open new ones to new possibilities.
Have a great weekend.
May 17th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Is this the big news you mentioned that you couldn’t tell me until you blogged about it? (Here I thought you might be pregnant!) The thing is, I read this and THEN read your comment, so I’m confused….please straighten me out!
May 17th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Glad you will have your freedom, but can’t imagine how hard this must be.
May 19th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Congrats on being beyond that!
May 19th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
You are now officially entering the next part of your life !! I remember when my hubby got his divorce papers.. he felt sad too .. it is a part of your life that is over.. of course your aloud to be sad..
May 19th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Acknowledging the sadness you feel is totally understandable - ya’ just can’t erase 21 years so easily - I am happy that you’re able to get beyond the bullshit! Good luck, sweetie.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:02 am
YOu have a great attitude and it seems like you have accepted it and are ready to move on. I love the Helen Keller quote.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Oh sweetie, congrats and many hugs…I know exactly how you feel!
May 20th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
CONGRATULATIONS. I’m posting my beer pictures right now, as we speak
I had plenty for you! 
May 21st, 2008 at 10:15 pm
That’s a really good quote. Glad to hear that you have that closure. I bet it has been a bit of a thorn in your side. Hopefully things will continue to look up and you will be ready to walk through that new door : )
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Congrats! Your feelings of sadness are quite normal. I have had friends that have gone through similar situations feel the same way. Part loss, part end of the fight. You’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster.
Hope you have a nice stress-free weekend and have a glass of bubbly to celebrate. I’ll drink a toast to you this weekend. Cheers!
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Whoops missed this post. Glad that you have closure but yeah knowing someone thirty years is definitely going to affect you emotionally. I bet your future will be brighter than your past.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:55 am
been there, done that. i think depending on how long you were with someone you go through a gamut of emotions. for me, the day the judge said the divorce was granted was a sense of relief. relief that i didn’t have to deal w that ass (at least as far as the divorce was concerned). of course now we are back in court due to cs issues after just being there 6 mos ago. he’s a real pain!