Real World Mom

Where does it all come from?!

I do laundry three to four times a week. When are they going to invent the washer and dryer that do it all??

My 12-year-old daughter has been asking to get her cartilage pierced for well over a year now.

Having done it myself about five years ago, my initial reaction was, why not? After thinking about it a little more, I decided it may be best to wait. Mostly because I remembered the three months of discomfort that followed!

Her father is totally against it (I won’t go into the main reason he gave her for saying no, so as not to offend anyone else), but I have come to the conclusion that if she still wants it that much, I would like to let her get it done.

First of all, it’s not a permanent mark. If she changes her mind, she stops wearing an earring and that’s the end of it.

Secondly, it doesn’t appear to be a whim on her part. As I said, she’s been talking about it for quite some time, so it’s not as though she’s asking just because a friend did it.

Thirdly, my daughter is very responsible and quite mature for her age, and I believe that she will take care of herself as she should (especially after waiting all that time!).

I am pretty sure that I will surprise her for her 13th birthday (in March) and take her to have her cartilage pierced. Hopefully we can convince her father by then, but, if not, he’ll just have to get used to it!

Merry Christmas to all!  I hope that you are surrounded by loved ones and enjoy every moment of it!

Still no forward movement on my divorce.

My soon-to-be-ex recently offered me $600 as a divorce settlement. Yeah, I laughed too!

Now my lawyer wants another $1,000 to continue working on the case. I don’t have $1,000 to give her, and all I can see that the first $1,000 got me was her filing the divorce petition–pretty expensive!

The waiting continues…

We’ve all seen the phrase, “Friends are family we choose for ourselves.” And how true that is for me! Especially over the last four years or so, my friends have been more like family than the one I was born into.

When I first separated from my husband, it was my friends who were there to offer encouragement and support when my ‘real family’ all but turned their backs on me.

To this day, my friends still feel more like family than my blood relatives do.

In the past year and a half, I’ve been blessed with the addition of a whole new branch to my self-made family tree. My boyfriend’s family and extended family have become a very important part of my life. In a very short time, I felt welcomed, accepted and cared about, and I certainly felt the same about them!

There are times I mourn not having the relationship I’d like with my parents, brother and sister. It should be different, but it’s not, and I don’t believe there’s anything I can do to significantly change that. What I focus on is the wonderful people who surround me now. And I try to remind myself–often–of how very lucky I am to have my chosen family!

Why is it that we are so often our own worst critics? It can be a very difficult way of life, when we are consistently putting ourselves down, telling ourselves that what we do isn’t good enough, that we’re not good enough…

So we try harder, determined to make every endeavor turn out perfectly. But, every endeavor does not turn out perfectly (in fact, probably very few do), and we are left feeling even worse about ourselves and our abilities.

In my own personal situation, I think this was a contributing factor to my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) diagnosis. I remember my doctor telling me, “You can’t be ’super mom’, you can’t do it all!” I’ve reminded myself of that quite often over the years, and it does help fairly often.

It’s not as though the world expects us to be perfect in everything we say and everything we do–so why do we put that unrealistic expectation on ourselves? Will your son love you less because your boss got upset with you yesterday? Do you think your husband will sleep on the couch if there’s a dish in the sink? Does your daughter avoid you because you’re having a bad hair day? Surely your best friend will simply refuse to go to the mall with you because you haven’t picked up that dry cleaning yet!

This all sounds silly, but, the bottom line is, that’s what it’s really all about. Your family and friends love you–imperfections and all! We need to look at ourselves with that same kind of love, care and understanding that those close to us do–and give ourselves a break!!

On my birthday this year, my boyfriend gave me what is the sweetest, most romantic gift I’ve ever received: a letter.

He’s a loving, caring man, with an awesome sense of humor! But, sometimes, he keeps his feelings out of sight. That’s a big part of why my birthday letter touched me so deeply.

An excerpt:

“Why You Mean So Much to Me”
I love you because, where I am dark, you are light. I love you because you shine that light into my darkness every day of our life together.

You make me laugh when I’d rather cry. You make me smile in spite of myself.

You give me all of you, freely, with kindness, sincerity and love, every waking moment.”

How could I not be completely and madly in love with a man who can tell me these things?!

Beyond their beauty & grace, butterflies are said to symbolize change, rebirth, new life. This is what they mean to me, and it was the beginning of my butterfly fascination.

One of my favorite quotes:

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
~ Maya Angelou

Madison, aka “Maddie”, is 5 1/2 years old, and the sweetest, most gentle creature I’ve ever known. I once saw a sign that read, “Dogs are people with fur.” That describes Maddie as though the phrase were inspired by her!

Our love seat has become her “Princess Couch,” & she enjoys lounging & napping there quite frequently! (Although, as I write this, she is sound asleep & snoring on the bed right behind me!)

Madison is not into playing ball or chewing on squeaky toys. What Maddie enjoys most is being near her family– showing us how much she loves us with the “whomp, whomp, whomp” of her ‘tail of destruction’ (you’d appreciate this affectionate nickname if you ever witnessed it clear a table or felt it make contact with your leg!) , or gracing us with her sweet puppy smile.

Stay tuned for more tails of “Maddie the Mooch”!

I wish I knew!

On the hunt for a new job, but I’m really unsure of what direction to take. I could earn the most money in retail–I’ve worked in that field for 20+ years, from sales to management–but I don’t think I have the energy or patience for the hours or the customers anymore. If I venture off into something totally different, I may not make much money.

Hmm… Why are these decisions never simple?!